527,040 minutes (hey, it was a leap year!)

Because I’m still working against my rather egocentric mindset, I spent a lot of time this week thinking about my birthday…

I thought about the past year and all the “firsts” I had, from taking my first cross-Atlantic flight, and then taking 5 more… drinking my first cup of tea while watching my first sunset in Gulu… going on my first date… my first time not getting hired for a job I applied for… the first time I had Thai food… the first time I drove alone down the 15 freeway towards San Diego… my first time white water rafting… and the list goes on.

And then I’d think about all the things I’d like to accomplish this year: moving out of Alta Loma, finding a job I like, learn to sew, become better at community… heck, maybe even get my first kiss. ;)

And then I’d think a little deeper, about all the things I’ve seen outside of myself, from the smiling faces of the kids in Ghana when they were handed their very own football Jersey, to losing Charly, to the incredible generosity of the kids in the Schools for Schools clubs across America. About the prayers I’ve seen answered and the prayers that are still waiting for a response. About peace talks and prayer walks, friendships mending and relationships tearing.

It’s been a very retrospective week.

But then, today, as I was first waking up, I asked myself the toughest question of all: am I more loving than I was a year ago today? Do I love others more? Do I love God more? Or have I just fallen deeper in love with myself?

It’s a hard one for me. I’ve become a lot of things this year: more courageous, more out going, a little more generous, a little less prideful. But more loving? I’m not so sure. But rather than try and answer it today, instead I’m just going to post a reminder of the type of person I want to be…
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

At a church service once, the pastor had us replace the word “love” with our own names, to see if we were being loving… it’s the best yardstick I’ve ever had.