Where's Betsy?

26...

2010-09-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I worry that I'm treating life like a stop-gap, instead of an opportunity. That I'm spending to much time planning my tomorrows that I'm missing all my todays. Counting down hours to ends instead of experiencing the middles.

I keep looking forward. Waiting for the day I take a leap, do something grand, live a life that's FULL.

I need Courage. Strength. Boldness. Direction.

And I'm thinking, probably a rather large push.

Thoughts from Portland

2010-04-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

It’s ridiculously green here, like someone stole all the green crayons from a 64 pack of Crayolas and used them all the way down to a nub. There are trees anywhere and everywhere from the unexpected forest along the train track to the cherry blossom tree in front of a bank in downtown. I’m even appreciating the never ending “scattered showers” that seem to blend together, knowing they are why the landscape is so vibrant and alive.

I like Portland as a city. It’s slower than LA, but it still seems to move. There are people pouring out of buildings with every sort of attire, all heading places with purpose, but courtesy. I’ve about perfected my Portland Pedestrian wave, the jaunty “thank you” that walkers pass over to drivers when they stop. But don’t misunderstand me; Portlanders are not lackadaisical in their movement. Locals check for cars but not for crossing signals, speed limits are acknowledged but not followed exactly. I like the pace. It’s a city getting where it needs to go, but not at the expense of others.

We saw a jug band on Sunday. It was a perfect moment out of time, as we hurried past the persistent food stand hawkers at the Saturday/Sunday Street fair and heard the soft strains of a banjo. There was a man playing washboard percussion and a woman playing the washtub bass. It was an Emmitt Otter’s Jug Band Christmas dream come true.

I’m not ready to leave Oregon. With the beauty of the drives and the convenience of the train, I’m not looking forward to returning to the pavement and rush of “normal life.” But I’ll be back, hopefully in the summertime to view the roses in bloom. :)

A Call to Action

2009-09-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

I know its been forever since I posted anything, and I really do need to get back into it...

But even more important: you can help end a war. Show the U.S. Government and the world's leaders that we desire to put a stop to the longest running war and end Kony's reign of terror throughout Eastern Africa.

how:

1. Visit www.wewantobama.com
2. Sign the petition calling for President Obama to lead the effort to end the war in Uganda
3. Tell you friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, people you pass on the street to do the same.

Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can change the world.

Thank you.

Twitter-riffic?

2009-06-27T21:57:00.001-07:00

Twitter is the new rage on the internet… people attempting to encapsulate their entire beings into 150 characters (it’s not something I have joined, as I have already written 148 and not said anything…)

But because I haven’t updated, and I want to, but I don’t have the time or the words here is my last 6 months in 150 characters:

Cooking-Cleaning-Knitting. Job Search-Defeat-Concede. Collating-Copying-Collections. Hope: Apply-Interview-Accept. Acholi Beads: San Diego-Sunshine-Uganda-New Beginnings

So… it’s a few more than 150. but I tried….

Coming soon: an actual blog. Hopefully.

Love you all

Forgiveness

2009-01-09T16:43:00.000-08:00

I’ve been talking to God a lot more lately, and it’s been wonderful. He’s so good at guiding me, teaching me and helping me take steps towards becoming a better woman.

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot today is forgiveness. Not even of others, but of myself. For some reason, it’s easier for me to forgive the actions of others than it is for me to forgive myself.

But I’m learning. To forgive myself for chances I didn’t take and risks I shouldn’t have. For words I spoke to myself that hurt and words I didn’t speak to others to encourage. I’m forgiving myself for the moments I expected more of myself than I could give and asking forgiveness for moments I didn’t do all I could. Forgiveness of dreams I didn’t reach for, hopes I refused to share and weaknesses I didn’t get help with.

Slowly but surely, I’m learning to be kinder to myself. To view myself through the eyes of My Creator, who loves me. The other night I was reading a book, and the author wrote about the sweetest way she views her relationship with God; that whenever He plays Red Rover, he always calls her over… because He always wants her on His team. I’m learning to let that thought soak into my heart… that God wants me on His team, and I’d like to have me on mine, as well. :)

Little Steps

2008-12-18T10:30:00.001-08:00

As some of you may or may not know, I haven’t been working since September. It’s definitely by choice (I saved around half of my paychecks for like 7 months to be able to take a vacation), and it’s been a learning/growing experience in the neatest ways.

At the beginning of my work hiatus I made a 3 week-ish trip to Texas to visit Kristen, the other IC intern with me during my time in Uganda. We had many great conversations about life and love and living with others in our view-space. We talked about our family, friends and acquaintances who are spending their days making the world a better place for people they’ve never met, organizations that are working to end injustices and small ways we can make a daily difference.

It’s that last thing I myself am working at… small ways to make a daily difference. For the past few months my days have started to blend together. A mix of learning how difficult it is to keep a 5 bedroom house clean, cooking (and sometimes ruining) meals, trying to figure out how to keep in touch with people all around the world when I despise the telephone and attempting to start exercising again. A year ago “my” world was so big, and now it seems to have shrunk to this one house, a few people and me.

But although my immediate sphere of influence seems to be so small, I still want to make a difference in the world at large, so I’m working towards that… here are a couple things I’ve learned so far

1. I can eat sweets and stop slavery: The cocoa industry is rife with slavery, and many of the “big names” in chocolate (re: Hersey, Lindt, Nestle) claim they are not responsible for ending this practice, because they buy the chocolate from middle men, not the slave owners themselves. In order to use my consumer vote to stop slavery, I’ve begun buying Fair Trade chocolate. Trader Joe’s has their own line of fair trade chocolate, Sprouts sells fair trade chocolate chips and Dagoba brand chocolate can be found in many grocery stores. Yes, it often costs a bit more (1.99 for the bar at TJ) but it is much higher quality and it helps me eat less chocolate. (for more information on slavery and chocolate check out: http://knol.google.com/k/responsible-shoppers/modern-day-slavery/3vc4m1bitkaj4/4# and for more information on where to buy fair trade chocolate: http://knol.google.com/k/responsible-shoppers/responsible-shopping/3vc4m1bitkaj4/3#)

2. While browsing the internet, I can feed a family: many different websites will donate food if you click a button (the food is paid for by the sponsors whose ads appear after you click). So, take a few moments and visit sites like www.thehungersite.com or go to ww.freerice.com and for every correct trivia answer donate 20 grains of rice.

There are more: writing letters to congressmen while writing Christmas cards, learning to practice consumer voting through researching which brands and stores treat their employees well (from production through each selling point), and just educating people with the meager amount of information I’ve accumulated.

I’m not going to lie: I haven’t been doing too well at this yet. The chocolate was easy for me, but even remembering to go to a couple websites a day to feed people sometimes slips my mind. But I’m working towards it. Because I have been blessed SO much in my life, and I just want to do the same for others.

Love you all. Hope everything is going well. And if you are working to change your world for the better, let me know how. I’d love to help. :)

Betsy for Christ '08

2008-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

Last night was the first time I really watched the election results pour in; sitting in front of the computer and TV, seeing states turn blue and red. It was also the first time I was able to see people’s reactions in real time. Thanks to internet resources like Facebook and message boards, I observed some people descend to something akin to despair and others ascend to elation…

And then, as I lie in bed, I started thinking about voting. And how the polls closed in California and immediately the state was painted blue, while in Okalahoma it was painted red. How people may feel discouraged from voting in an election unless they live in a swing state. About how much one vote really “mattered.”

But then, I started thinking about the role of the government in my life and the lives of the people around me. A friend and I were talking about how the government is set up to (hopefully) protect the interests of the country… but how we are created to protect the interests of God’s heart.

And I was reminded of the votes that I cast every day that do matter.

I vote for love when I take the time to stop and listen to my niece when she’s having a bad day, when I look a stranger in the eye and ask how their doing, when I put the needs of a friend before my own.

I vote for justice when I take the time to see how the goods I am purchasing were made and work to ensure that no one else had to suffer so that I am comfortable.

I vote for peace when I write letters to governments and people in power asking them to intervene in situations that may feel outside my control.

I vote for grace when I display forgiveness to others and myself.

I know that too often I try and abdicate my responsibility as a Christ follower. To believe that somehow my country, President, church, family, etc, are the one’s who need to be “Christian” in order for the people in my life to see the love of God. But really, it’s me. I am the one whose actions are supposed to portray Jesus to those around me.

So, however people are feeling about the next president, hope, despondency, apathy; my personal mission doesn’t change: to love God and to love people.

I've got a lot on my mind,

2008-10-31T23:42:00.001-07:00

so... expect lots of verbal vomitting soon. :)

Thought for the day

2008-10-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

"Never forget- Justice is what Love looks like in public" Dr. Cornel West

(this quote is from the trailer to the new movie "Call+Response" on child sex traffiking that is in theaters now...)

twisting and turning, trying to find my way

2008-09-30T11:53:00.001-07:00

Change.

I wonder, sometimes, if we have a finite capacity for change. If there is only so many steps we can take from the person we currently are, a block wall preventing us from becoming someone completely different…

I know, for me, that wall is comprised entirely of fear. Fear that change won’t happen, so that I shouldn’t even try. Fear that the unknown is…well, unknown, a place where I can’t control everything, where the rules have changed…

I want to change. I want to become someone different than who I currently am. Not completely different, I like things about me now. But a bit more courage, a bit more faith, more compassion, less fear. Bigger eyes to see, larger ears to hear, a smaller mouth to speak. I want my actions to define me instead of my words. I want people to see in themselves what I do, and to be able to help them do that. I want to wake up in the morning and see all possibilities, to fall into bed at night exhausted by the adventures of life.

To take more risks and spend less time dwelling on failures. To not only stop to smell the roses, but the daises and the daffodils as well. To read more good books and watch less bad TV.

I want to change my habits and my gut reactions. The way I see myself, the distorted image I’ve come to believe as truth. To allow God’s eyes to become mine, His heart to direct mine.

There are moments when I see glimpses of the person I want to become in the person I currently am, and they give me hope. Moments when I feel at peace with the world, myself and God, because I know I am doing what I am supposed to. I believe it’s possible to feel that way all the time.

I sat down to write, thinking of all the things in myself I’d like to see changed, wondering if that was even possible. Wishing to be someone else, someone braver, more confident, more sure. But really, I just need to conquer my own fears: of failure, of my own unworthiness, of, in a way, success.

It makes me sad to see other people paralyzed by fear, because all I can see in them is their potential—it’s hard for be to recognize that I am the exact same way.

But sitting here, on a porch swing with butterflies and gentle breezes, I know that there isn’t really anything to fear. I have God, who loves me, a family that supports me and friends to help me. That even if I go out on a shaky, skinny branch and end up tumbling, I won’t really hit the ground. I’ll be caught up in a net of love and faithfulness and forgiveness.

I haven’t found my next path yet, but I’m learning to believe that no matter where it takes me, it’ll all be okay.

And that there isn’t a limit on where we can go in this life, except those which we place on ourselves.

His eye is on the sparrow...

2008-09-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

I've been in Texas for a week now. 7 days of no alarms, no expectations, no obligations. Hours spent on front porch swings, along flowing rivers, watching sparkling stars. Moments of contemplation, pages of wisdom, conversations of dreams. It's been a beautiful mess of relaxation, challenges and even occasional frustration.

For all that I'm trying to let go of my need for plans, I still desire to know not just this step that I'm on, but the subsequent steps as well. I know where I'll be this week: house-sitting for a friends parents with a roof over my head and a well stock pantry. There is no worry that I'll go to bed hungry tonight, or the next night either. There is assurance that this day is cared for, yet I still worry about tomorrow.

will i ever learn?

words fail.

2008-09-25T20:49:00.001-07:00

and prayer is what we turn to:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7625515.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7631038.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7635719.stm

"rather a miracle happened: another day of life"

2008-09-25T11:32:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading another book by Paulo Coehlo, "Veronika Decides to Die." It's one of those books that I just happened to pick up at the right time in my life.

I'm currently sitting in a bed in the home of Kristen, my fellow intern from Uganda, just outside San Antonio, Texas. I'm currently unemployed, having quit my job and ending my employment last Friday. My goal for this cross country trek is to reconnect with God and myself, and to try and figure out what I'm going to do next. I'm blessed to have unlimited options, but cursed with an inability to make decisions. :/

This book, however, was incredible. It's all about the human tendency to just go through the motions of life, our fear of stepping outside our norm and failing.

I'm trying to learn to live without that fear, to learn to put it into perspective. To realize that "the worst than could happen" isn't all that bad, that one failure is not a big deal, that mistakes help us to grow. I don't want to live my life regretting all the things I could have done, dreaming of opportunities I was afraid of attempting, wishing for "do-overs" that aren't possible.

And here is a long excerpt from the book, in hopes that it will inspire you as it does me:

(this is spoken by a character in the book, who is about to be released from Villete, the insane asylum)

"If I stay here any longer, I won't leave at all. I'm cured of my depression, but in Villete, I've learned that there are other kinds of insanity. I want to carry those with me and begin to see life with my own eyes.

"When I came here, I was deeply depressed. Now I'm proud to say I'm insane. Outside, I'll behave exactly like everyone else. I'll go shopping at the supermarket, I'll exchange trivialities with my friends, I'll waste precious time watching television. But I know that my soul is free and that I can dream and talk with other worlds that, before I came here, I didn't even imagine existed.

"I'm going to allow myself to do a few foolish things, just so that people can say: 'She's just been released from Villete.' But I know that my soul is complete, because my life has meaning. I'll be able to look at a sunset and believe that God is behind it. When someone irritates me, I'll tell them what I think of them, and I won't worry what they think of me, because everyone will say: 'She's just been released from Villete.'

"I'll look at men in the street, right in their eyes, and I won't feel guilty about feeling desired. But immediately after that, I'll go into a shop selling imported goods, buy the best wines my money can buy, and I'll drink that wine with the husband I adore because I want to laugh with him again.

"And laughing he'll say: 'You're crazy!' And I'll say: 'Of course I am, I was in Villete, remember! And madness freed me. Now, my dear husband, you mush have a vacation every year, and make me climb some dangerous mountains, because I need to run the risk of being alive."

it's been a year.

2008-09-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

Exactly one year ago today I was flying across the globe, heading for Gulu. It's strange to think how much happened in just 365 days. Recent weeks seem to have dragged by, but I know months that had wings.

It seems appropriate, somehow, that this is my last week at my current job. I don't feel like I ever really took time after arriving back in the states to process, to really pray and seek answers for what I should do next in my life.

I'm overwhelmed by the possibilities of life. For so long, I viewed my life as a narrow road, one I needed to map out and plan and work hard to ensure that I never took a step off.

But now, life seems as full of opportunities as a day does of minutes. I’m still working on being courageous enough to go after my dreams, still trying to figure out what those dreams actually are.

It’s late, the house is quiet, and the only light is what is pouring out from my computer screen, casting eerie shadows across the walls. And I’m just sitting here thinking over the last year, and wondering what I’m supposed to do in the next…

If anyone has any good ideas, let me know. :)

In response to the DNC and the RNC...

2008-09-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

whatever happened to the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"?!?!?!

I'm very very tired of all the negative campaigning.

Let me know when it's November 5th.

sometimes...

2008-08-28T23:46:00.001-07:00

at the end of a very long dayweekyear, we need a little reminderwishprayer that love can indeed conquer allpartsome.

it's been that kind of moment.

Good Ol' Charlie Brown

2008-08-26T21:41:00.001-07:00

There is something to be said for Optimism.

Just a little reminder from that round headed kid, and me

and so it goes...

2008-07-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

I love when you'll be wrestling with something, trying to figure it all out... and then you get to read about someone else's journey down the very same road...

(Get ready for the longest quote ever... more of an excerpt)

“And then the sentiment occurred. I am certain it was the voices of God because it was accompanied by such a strong epiphany like a movement in a symphony or something. The sentiment was simple: Love your neighbor as yourself.

“And I though about that for a second and wondered why God would put that phrase so strongly in my mind. I thought about our neighbor Mark, who is tall and skinny and gay, and I wondered whether God was telling me that I was gay, which was odd because I had never felt gay, but then it hit me that God was not telling me I was gay. He was saying I would never talk to my neighbor the way I talked to myself, and that somehow I had come to believe it was wrong to kick other people around but it was okay to do it to myself. I was as if God put me in a plane and flown me over myself so I could see how I was connected, all the neighborhoods that were falling apart because I would not let myself receive love from myself, from others or from God. And I would receive love because I felt it was so wrong. It didn’t feel humble, and I knew I was supposed to be humble. But that was all crap, and it didn’t make any sense. If it is wrong for me to receive love, then it is also wrong for me to give it because by giving it I am causing somebody else to receive it, which I had presupposed was the wrong then to do. So I stopped. I mean that. I stopped hating myself. It no longer felt right. It wasn’t many or healthy, and I cut it out. That was about a year ago, and since then I have been relatively happy. I am not kidding. I don’t sit around and talk bad about myself anymore…

“And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it. I think apart from the idea that I am a sinner and God forgives me, this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned. When you get it, it changes you. My friend Julie from Seattle told me that the main prayer she prayers for her husband is that he will be able to receive love. And this is the prayer I pray for all my friends because it is the key to happiness. God’s love will never change us if we don’t accept it.”

-Donald Miller
Blue Like Jazz

coffee shop conversations

2008-07-22T21:12:00.001-07:00

I'm re-reading Donald Miller's "Blue Like Jazz" for the umpteenth time.

I just love the way he writes. I feel like I’m sitting across from him, and we’re just having a conversation about life, love and God… some how he manages to pause, and let me interject my own thoughts, my own journey into his words. To struggle a bit with what he’s saying, see how it plays out in my experiences; figure out ways to apply it all to me. It’s challenging to read, in the best of ways.

On a completely different note (well, not so different, because it encompasses everything): I love God.

For multiple reasons, of course. I love that He reaches through time and space into my life and speaks to me in ways I so need to hear. It’s been a rough few weeks, as all my doubts and fears about my yesterdays, todays and tomorrows keep bubbling back up to the surface. But, finally, on Sunday, I finally let a few of them go. Kevin talked at Flipside about grace and unconditional love (quoting Donald Miller, thus inspiring my reread) and the difficulty people can have with accepting it.

I do. Unconditional love is so unfathomable to me sometimes. The idea that without me doing anything, God loves. That I don’t have to change the world, change my neighborhood, even change myself, He loves me already, just where I’m at (that doesn’t mean He just wants me to stay here… there are even better places to be).

So, I’ve been thinking a lot this week about God’s love for me, and its many manifestations in my life. And it’s been pretty incredible and healing and very much needed. I feel stronger today than I did yesterday, more sure of God and His ability to take care of me, less worrisome, more peaceful.

I pray the same for all of you.

odds and ends...

2008-07-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

I spent quite a bit of time this week with one of my favorite people... we went to hear one of my favorite authors speak, listened to an accordion player praise God, attended a open air symphony and ordered my first serving of green tea yogurt. She's one of the people in my life who make me feel less "crazy," mirroring some of my desires to travel the world, read as many good books as possible and learn how to love others well.

During one of our many conversations, we started talking about how our 6-monthiversary of being back stateside is coming up in August (me from Uganda, her from Thailand/Vietnam), and how difficult we imagine it will be. To see how some of the changes we made in ourselves slipped away, how easy some of our bad habit cropped up again…

I know that too many of mine have managed to sneak back in. Some of them are heartbreaking and will be difficult to remedy: my tendency to doubt people’s desire to have me around, my inclination towards low self-esteem, while others will require determination and accountability: how much time I spend with T.V. and book instead of people, my difficulty saying no, my propensity to become a bit antisocial…

It’s rather bummy, because I liked who I was when I came back from Uganda- a bit surer of myself, somehow stronger if a little idealistic.

I’m determined to get back, although unsure about how. I’ll let y’all know how it goes. :)

feeling shaken. and stirred.

2008-07-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago, in a different place and at a different time, I posed this question to myself…

If the Person I was, and the Person I am, and the Person I’m becoming

met

would any of them say “pleased to meet you”?

I’m finding myself in that place again. And wondering once more…

that simple

2008-06-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

A philosopher once wrote you need three things to have a good life. One, a meaningful relationship, two, a decent job of work, and three, to make a difference. And it was always that third one that stressed me, to make a difference. And I realise that I do. Every day, we all do.

It's how we interact, with our fellow man.

-David Brent "The Office"

nice to see you again

2008-06-22T20:28:00.001-07:00

Last night, I went to the wedding of my best friend from elementary school. It was a slightly awkward occasion, full of 10 minute conversations with people I hadn’t seen in years, and will probably not see again until another “Big Event.”

These 10 minute conversations were all the same, full of broad, sweeping generalizations of the happenings in our lives. Jobs, Marriages, Children—trying to explain years of experiences in just a few moments. It was difficult, speaking in sweeping statements with people who once were a part of my every day. And even though they now know where I’m working, and I’m acquainted with their spouse, we’re still as disconnected as we were yesterday morning.

Juxtaposition.

Tonight, my sister hung up a new towel in our kitchen. It’s bright and multicolored and covered in monkeys. It was on clearance and matches a plate and cup belonging to my youngest niece. And it’s these little things, a new towel, a loose tooth, a bad dream, a sunset walk, that make up who we are. When I tell someone I graduated with a degree in Liberal Studies, that I work as a temp, even that I went to Uganda for 6 months, they don’t know who I am at all. But maybe, if they knew that I spend more money on books than clothing, that I’d rather spend a Friday night at home than out, that I still watch Disney Channel movies, that I love sunsets more than sunrises, they’d have more of an understanding…

Just something I’m thinking about tonight.

Dancing

2008-06-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I dance in the car. With my windows rolled down and the radio blaring, my body bops to the rhythm that’s shaking the side panels…

Sometimes, I dance through the house. To music that’s heard only in the recesses of my mind, whirling around and around through empty hallways, across slick tile…

Sometimes, I dance in my mind. Encircled by people, ensconced in my own fears and misgivings, I alone witness the movement my heart envisions...

Sometimes, I dance. Regardless of my surroundings, of the music, of the eyes, of my doubts. I allow myself to break free and move. And that’s when I’m really dancing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve become more mobile in the past year. It’s harder to keep my feet still, almost impossible to not move my hands when I’m speaking about something I’m passionate about. Often, I feel trapped by the limitations of my own physical self, unable to truly communicate what I’m thinking, what I want to say… Somehow this frustration is finding its out pouring in spastic motions that may or may not follow the beat of this world. Slowly, but surely, I’m seeking to find my own rhythm. To learn my own dance.

wishes the only thing she feared was fear itself

2008-06-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am officially a collector at the water bottling company. No, I didn't take them up on their offer to hire me, so my paycheck is still signed by my temp agency, but I have my own accounts, phone line and email with the company name in it.

I know I'm here because I'm afraid. I was afraid of being unemployed when I returned from Uganda, so I just applied for jobs. Afraid I wasn't qualified for more so I took the first one offered. Afraid of just quitting and not finding anything worthwhile to fill with my time...

I know I'm not trapped by my circumstances. That I could quit tomorrow. That the only thing holding me to my desk is my own fears and insecurities about what I should be doing instead. I keep saying I'll be quitting in the fall (and I will, because I am going on my roadtrip), but I have absolutely no idea what I'll do after that... I don't want to fall into the same trap of just doing anything.

sigh. I'm feeling very disappointed in my own inabilities to just get over my fears and quit and find a job, a vocation, a something... boo.

Heartsick.

2008-06-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

While love always brings joy, it can be accompanied by sorrow as well.

lesson from a 5 year old

2008-06-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

dance a little less self consciously and just recognize the beauty of movement... and make sure to bow at the end

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood (Part Deux)

2008-06-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

So, at Flipside they’ve been placing a lot of emphasis on our “oikos” (the Greek word for family, neighborhood, community) and on the fact that we are all living where we are for a reason. A truth I’ve always known, but rarely lived out in any concrete way.

I know how blessed I am. I have the most rockin’ people in my life who stretch me, encourage me, challenge me, love me… the list goes on. Recently, however, I’ve been trying to focus on the people in my life who I don’t think about as often. The ones on the fringe that I don’t talk to everyday, or even if I do it’s just to say a quick “hello” as we drift past each other. My neighbors across the street, my coworkers, my family spread across the United States… and how often I miss the opportunity to know them, listen to them, love them.

I’m trying. To be more intentional in every area of my life… some areas are easier than others, but I know it’s worth it. There is so much beauty all around, and so often I miss out by settling for less…

In my mind, it’s all connected. Love, beauty, people, life, God… Every day I’m amazed at the thin gossamer threads that bind it all together, over and over again, creating an intricate pattern visible only if you look for it.

As usual, my mind is running away faster than my fingers can type. I want to at least attempt to capture snapshots of the journey I’m currently running… in hopes that later I’ll be able to see the road I’ve traveled a little more clearly, to better understand where I end up.

"reality"

2008-05-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

i wish i had a better grasp on what it really is...

talking to myself.

2008-05-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

somehow, whenever I endeavor to “teach” someone something, I always end up learning something myself.

My bi-monthly trip to Flipt was at 10:30 this morning. I got a rather disconcerting email from Angie, Flipt admin extraordinaire, on Friday informing me that one of the other Flipt leaders would be gone today and would I mind taking over the 4-5th graders or the K-1ers. For reasons unclear even to me, I forewent the “safe” choice of the familiar K-1 group and took up with a group of 9-11 year olds.

Now, this may not seem like an odd choice to anyone else, but for me it is. For some reason the moment a group of kids becomes “double digit aged” I lose my ability to communicate effectively. One on one I’m fine. I can ask the right questions and get answers about his/her likes and dislikes, their family, their friends and love them well. But in a group? My intricate knowledge of Hannah Montana and the Disney Channel is no longer impressive; my ignorance of Sponge Bob Squarepants and the newest pop hit is met with distain. But I decided on Friday to meet the challenge and face one of my fears:

Preteens or “tweens”

I stumbled through the opening session, helped immensely by my friend Heather. Worship and Large Group flew by and before I knew it 6 faces stared at me, waiting. Sans Heather, my feeble confidence wilted and I began my fall back strategy for dealing with nerves:

Babbling.

I started off using the curriculum-provided questions about shepherds and trust and felt ridiculously out of sync with my group. So I stopped, and read out loud from the verse, hoping against hope that something would penetrate my brain and help me teach these kiddos something, anything about this God who Loves them so.

Psalm 23:1 (I read from the New International Readers Version, because that’s the version of Bible we have in the Flipt room)

The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need.

I stopped. And asked allowed the question that reverberated in my mind…

“Do you guys believe that? That God really gives us everything we need? Not necessarily everything we want but everything we need?”

I got a few yes’, a couple of no’s, and pressed onward. Talking about the things we “need” vs. “want” like air and love and people and video games and ice cream. And while I’m unsure if any of it penetrated into the hearts and minds of the kiddos, it made me pause.

Do I believe this verse? That everything I need is provided for me?

I want to. I’m not quiet there yet. And while I still have more questions than answers, I’m learning trust and reverence and love. And that sometimes the person that really needs to learn the lesson, the verse, the story-is me.

I talk too much

2008-05-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

Let us not love wtih words or tongue but with actions and truth.

1John 3:18

"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan is wrecking me. It's beautiful.

even the comics have something to say

2008-05-19T06:12:00.000-07:00

527,040 minutes (hey, it was a leap year!)

2008-05-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

Because I’m still working against my rather egocentric mindset, I spent a lot of time this week thinking about my birthday…

I thought about the past year and all the “firsts” I had, from taking my first cross-Atlantic flight, and then taking 5 more… drinking my first cup of tea while watching my first sunset in Gulu… going on my first date… my first time not getting hired for a job I applied for… the first time I had Thai food… the first time I drove alone down the 15 freeway towards San Diego… my first time white water rafting… and the list goes on.

And then I’d think about all the things I’d like to accomplish this year: moving out of Alta Loma, finding a job I like, learn to sew, become better at community… heck, maybe even get my first kiss. ;)

And then I’d think a little deeper, about all the things I’ve seen outside of myself, from the smiling faces of the kids in Ghana when they were handed their very own football Jersey, to losing Charly, to the incredible generosity of the kids in the Schools for Schools clubs across America. About the prayers I’ve seen answered and the prayers that are still waiting for a response. About peace talks and prayer walks, friendships mending and relationships tearing.

It’s been a very retrospective week.

But then, today, as I was first waking up, I asked myself the toughest question of all: am I more loving than I was a year ago today? Do I love others more? Do I love God more? Or have I just fallen deeper in love with myself?

It’s a hard one for me. I’ve become a lot of things this year: more courageous, more out going, a little more generous, a little less prideful. But more loving? I’m not so sure. But rather than try and answer it today, instead I’m just going to post a reminder of the type of person I want to be…
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

At a church service once, the pastor had us replace the word “love” with our own names, to see if we were being loving… it’s the best yardstick I’ve ever had.

Sometimes I have a tendency to over-think.

2008-05-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of ideas about what I could write about tonight…

About my paradoxical desire for community and difficulty engaging in it…

About how God and I talked about being bold and being selfless and letting go of my pride and how so many different aspects of my life are all tangled up in this giant knot that only He can help me untangle…

About how I’m learning about the necessity of transparency within community and how I’m trying to learn how to share better with others…

But then, tonight, I sat down to re-read Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. And between laughing at how many things in my life are pointing towards the same lesson God is teaching me and being challenged to go further, God reminded me that not only are we called to love the world, but He loves us as well.

So tonight, I’m basking in the simplicity of the fact that God loves me right now. With all my flaws, all my sins, my imperfections. He sees through it all and loves.

It’s a pretty wonderful thought to sit with.

What one voice can do...

2008-05-12T18:07:00.001-07:00

educate itself: www.fanista.com/burmaitcantwait/

use itself: www.uscampaignforburma.org

and pray. for everyone.

Grappling With God #1

2008-05-11T22:55:00.001-07:00

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is of Jacob wrestling with an angel. I just love the idea of God allowing us to enter into a mental, physical or spiritual struggle with Him as we seek to understand more about Love. And I love that at the end of the story Jacob is reminded that God is God and he, oh goodness, is not (the healing time for a broken hip is a long time, so I’m sure that’s a lesson he remembered for a bit). And then Jacob gets a new name, a new identity, a new hope, which is better than anything he could have asked for or imagined.

I often “wrestle” with God about a lot of things, and while I have never had a hip broken over any of them, I am always gently (or not so gently) reminded that God is God and I, oh goodness, am not. And time and time again, I am blown away by the answer, the solution or the resolution of our struggle, as God teaches me things I never thought I could learn, gives me blessings I never thought I’d receive, allows me to live a life far more amazing than I could ever ask for.

Currently, I feel as though God and I are in the middle of a giant series of matches (I know nothing about wrestling, are there tournaments?) over a wide variety of questions of have. So, here is the first in what may be a series of blogs on me and God, and the “conversations” were having…

It starts with Love, as it always does and always should. I want to love People. I think they’re all pretty swell. And I think one of the best ways to love people is to get to know them. Hang out, listen to their stories. Be joyful when they’re joyful, sad when they’re sad (and, yeah, these ideas aren’t really mine, they’re from a pretty cool book I have ;)).

So, in order to love people, I need to know them. Which brings me to one of the things God and I are talking about: the Responsibility for Education About People.

In the 21st century, living in middle class America, I have been blessed to have a wealth of information right at my finger tips. With time, determination and a bit of ingenuity, I can find out a lot. And while some information may be harder to find (i.e. struggles of people living in less wealthy countries that don’t garner much international attention), it’s still there, if you’re willing to dig a little.

God and I have been talking about how much I need to know about the world. I talk with Him about my “emotional fragility,” my abundance of empathy, the fact that I have a difficult time compartmentalizing my feelings and not letting them run roughshod over my life. “What if I learn to much about it, and am no longer able to be functional?” And then I talk with Him about the fact that my not knowing doesn’t stop it from happening, that my willful attempt to live “blissfully ignorant” doesn’t prevent the suffering of men, women and children. Then I counter with the fact that I’m not the savoir of the world, he’s done that job. And besides, what can one person do? But then, I am reminded that one person can do a lot, even if it’s to tell one other person who’ll tell another person who’ll tell… you know, another person. And eventually people will know and things can start to change…

But then, where do you start? The world is so vast, the internet so large. And it’s difficult to find things on it. (it was very frustrating not being able to monitor the peace talks in Uganda… it took me awhile to find the New Vision, but even that is a biased newspaper… sigh). Do I go with Burma? It’s making headlines, and I know there is so much going on in that country that I don’t know about. Or do I chose a different country, like Angola, a country I know absolutely nothing about and may even have difficulty finding on a map…

There is so much to know, so many people. And yes, I am just one. And I can’t know it all, can’t do it all. But I feel like I have a Responsibility. To take the fact that I have been blessed with access, with intelligence, with community, with resources, with all these things… and do something with it.

God and I are still wrestling with what that looks like. I hope the match ends soon. My brain is tired, my heart needs resolution, and I’m a bit worried about my hip.

it's more about the drive than the destination

2008-05-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

so, it's rather late for me, which will leave my thoughts a bit disjointed and perhaps a bit incoherent, but I wanted to write about today. Because I am the queen of planning to write about something and then not. So, for tonight at least, I'm going to brave sleep deprivation in order to capture a glimpse of my current thoughts.

Brit and I traveled to San Diego today. And, as always, she helped me process through some of the craziness of my mind, listened to cheesy music with me and all in all reminded me how blessed I am to have her in my life.

Today, in a nutty shell :)

During the ride down we talked about the responsibility for education about humanity, our inability to save the world single-handedly, San Francisco plans, relational tithes and Jesus for President.

In San Diego I laughed out loud at God's ability to make it all connect, dreamed for tomorrow, hoped for the world and smiled for friendship, while celebrating Pangea day, reading Siddartha, walking alongside the beach and praying for Burma.

On the way home we copy wrote the title "Stop Settling for Happiness, Strive for Joy," discussed the different ways people relate to God, were thankful for revelations and made plans to do it all again sometime.

The biggest thing I'm learning about, and will always be learning about, is Love. Because that's what it all boils down to for me. I can't get past it, don't really want to. Love for life, for others, for ourselves, for God. Loving enthusiastically, whole-heartedly, recklessly.

There are days when my heart expands so big, I feel like it is going to burst. They're my favorite days of all.

"heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss"

2008-04-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

I was teaching in Flipt yesterday for the first time in... what feels like forever. We were talking about encouraging other people and a bit about fellowship in the early church. During both services I got a bit caught up in the drama of the day (the kiddos have spring fever in a bad way) and didn’t really stop and think about some of the things I learned through talking.

You see, for some reason, I feel like God talks to me when my lips are moving sometimes. It’s odd. I’ll be having a conversation with someone and words, thoughts, insights will leave my mouth never having entered my brain before. It’s an odd phenomena, but I love it.

So, yesterday the kiddos had an opportunity to share what they liked best about fellowshipping (or as I said “hanging out”) with their friends in Flipt. The answers varied, but a number said “playing/talking/seeing my friends. One time I responded “I know, isn’t it so cool that God wants to hang out with our friends?

Today, I was thinking about that. How it really is “cool” how God wants us to value our relationship with people. That while loving Him were loving Them; listening to their stories, sharing their joys, listening to their sorrows.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love; what it means to “love your neighbor as yourself,” the “right” way to love someone, the cost of love, the difference between love and “wish the best for,” the list goes on…

But today, just for a moment, I thought about how “cool” love is. How great it is to have someone to play with, someone to laugh with, someone to just do life with.

And how awesome it is that God just wants me to “hang out” with people. I think I can do that.

(title is a quote from John Mark McMillan's song "How He Loves")

for tonight.

2008-04-24T19:19:00.001-07:00

"now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy"
-rives

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu_PQBmk-6c&feature=related

perhaps there is nothing new under the sun, but I haven't experienced it all anyways

2008-04-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

I've been trying hard to "educate myself" recently. Read better books, spend more time looking at the news and less time watching T.V. Remembering that the beauty in people far surpasses anything I could dream up during a nap and that while the sun will come out tomorrow it’s out today and I should enjoy it.

I’m working to not overwhelm myself with all I don’t know, and instead focus on the new things I learn each day (today, for instance, I learned that Uganda’s New Vision newspaper has a website, that Brittany has a friend Elsa to pray for, that I can go 3 miles on an elliptical machine and about how mustard was viewed in Jesus’ time and exactly how revolutionary the idea of the kingdom of heaven being like a mustard seed really was… I really want to take a class on Jewish culture during the early church). I’m trying to figure out how to incorporate true community into my life and remembering that the people in my family are a pretty cool bunch to hang out with.

It’s pretty exciting. How huge the world is, how much there is to see and do, how many things there are to learn, people there are to love, moments there are to shape you.

And even though the “future” seems scarily vague and I’m not looking forward to 8 hours of data entry tomorrow… I’m very excited to see exactly what the day holds.

I've always been better in spurts

2008-04-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

somehow through the whirling dervish that is my mind, God still manages to remind me to stop. Smell the roses. Listen to someone else. And breathe.

It’s all quiet transitory anyways.

Home

2008-04-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

n.
A place where one lives; a residence.
American Heritage Dictionary

It seems so simple. "a place...a residence." Strip away emotion, and all that is left is a building. A few rooms, some floors, hopefully a roof.

But, I know home is so much more than that. It's a sense of belonging. Of togetherness. Of doing life alongside people. A place of refuge, a place of purpose, of opportunity.

I've thought more about this idea of "Home" in the past few months than I ever thought possible. Is "home" a location, as american heritage dictionary would have me believe, or is it simply a feeling? Can I be home at more than one place? Can someone never be home at all? Where is my home?

That last one is the hardest for me now. Because I do belong where I am, in Alta Loma, in some ways. There are people here who love and support me, a job that provides my neccesities, a church I adore. And God, obviously, is everywhere.

In other ways, however, I feel like I don't belong. A bit out of step with the world around me, either a few steps ahead or lagging behind. People around me are moving forward towards dreams, goals and ambitions, and I've been spinning my wheels for the past 6 weeks.

I don't know if I need a change of scenery, a change of perspective, a change of pace, a change of heart. But I know I need some sort of change. Because I am convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that life is meant to be lived not just survived. That there is purpose in everyday, an opportunity to love, a chance to be loved. That we have gifts and talents we can use to bless others, communities that we can be a part of, people that we can let into our hearts.

A place to call home.

And I feel like I'm just searching for the path that will take me to mine.

I've decided to be a but more public with what I'm currently going through in my heart and mind, in hopes that people will enter into this journey with me and pray as I look to see what God has next for me. I feel so blessed to do life with the people God has given me, and I'm so thankful for you all. I just know that where I am now isn't where I'm supposed to be forever, and I'm a bit impatient to get onto the next step... whatever that is.

I love you all. God Bless,
Betsy

Thoughts I'm Pondering

2008-04-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

While in UG I was introduced to one of my new favorite authors: Paulo Coelho. And as I struggle to figure out what the next step in my own journey is, here are some amazing quotes from his work "The Alchemist." I hope they bless you as they bless me...

It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

What's the world's greatest lie? It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.

People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being.

When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.

I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living now.

When you are in love, things make even more sense

Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.

"There is only one way to learn," the alchemist answered. "It's through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them.

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him.

When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you.

Hola.

2008-03-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

So, I'm back in Alta Loma. So I guess the "where's Betsy now?" question is easily answerable (except mentally. Because I have no idea where my mind is half the time)

I'm still figuring out next steps... job, school, life. I didn't end up with that position in San Diego, so I don't really know what's on the horizon.

thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I love you all

-betsy

[untitled]

2008-02-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday morning, 16 days to go till I'm on a plane back to the states. I'm in the office right now, getting ready to visit a school site (Atanga) and take some pictures of the construction works there...

I don't have a lot of time, and my brain is uber fuzzy whenever I try to think/speak/right coherently... so I'm going to post something I've already written. For those of you who don't know (which I think is the majority), I applied to work in the Invisible Children office in San Diego. I'm being interviewed for it next week, but I'm going to just copy and paste something I wrote in my letter of intent... I think it's a pretty good summary of how I feel at this moment...

It has been here, in Gulu, that I feel like I’ve started becoming the person I want to be. I’ve seen how my quirky strength of loving admin work (crossing items off a checklist gives me a little personal high) can be used to help others accomplish amazing goals and dreams. My own weakness of being a little too detail-orientated has been offset by people who dream of wonderful, big ideas that motivate me in ways I can’t do myself. I’ve met people who have suffered hardship after hardship, but they still have the most beautiful smiles that split their face in two over the simplest pleasures; friends whose kindness and generosity amongst their own financial struggles have inspired me; children whose laughter ringing through the air reminds me that hope survives all things.

love you all... see you soon.
betsy

for sunshine and smiles everywhere

2008-01-30T06:15:00.000-08:00

HEALS has always been a sort of refuge for me in Gulu. With brightly painted walls, a library, and smiling kids—lots of smiling kids, it has always been one of my favorite places to come. It’s the site of many of my favorite Ugandan memories—learning cultural dances, singing songs in Luo, rocking a baby to sleep—have happened within the tiny compound. Knowing what joy I always get when I visit, I decided to volunteer with some administrative needs the fledgling NGO has.
It’s been an eye opening experience. My first task was to type up some of the beneficiaries’ information, including their life story. It’s heartbreaking—stories of parents lost to AIDS, fathers killed by rebel activities, mothers working long hours to try and scrape up money for the family’s daily bread. To read children’s worries that they won’t be able to eat tomorrow, that their mother suffering from HIV won’t be there next year, that they’ll get kicked out of school again for not paying their school fees…
And that’s where my heart squeezes even tighter. Seeing receipts for school fee payments… The cost for one term of primary school runs anywhere from 3,000 to 15,000 Uganda Shillings—at the current rate of exchange (it was 1720 shillings to a dollar the last time I checked) that’s from $1.75 to just under $9. These children, ranging in ages 5-18, are worried about scraping together 2 dollars in order to get a basic education.
So, I’m trying to think of ways to help. Sustainable ways, more than a car wash or a can drive (both of which I may end up doing when I’m back in the states: heads up!). Joly, the country director of both Invisible Children and HEALS, wants to try and get some of the children’s stories on the internet, in hopes that people will read them and donate money. I know you can do a “cause” on Facebook, which will allow people to donate to an organization, and we’re hoping to sign up HEALS as one… I don’t have any web skills, really, but maybe someone knows how to set up a simple HTML one? There is also the fact that HEALS isn’t a registered non-profit in the U.S., so I don’t think donations made to the organization would be tax deductible…
It’s a lot to think about and figure out, but it’s worth it. Most definitely worth it.

My Own Top 3

2008-01-25T03:09:00.000-08:00

Late (possibly too late) last night, Jamie and I were talking, and he asked me an out of the blue question…

“Betsy, what are the top 3 best things about being white and single in Gulu?”

I told him I needed some time to think about some AND answers. Single in Gulu is one thing; White in Gulu is another, so I took a few minutes to construct my answer. Here’s what I came up with:

The Number 3 Best Thing about Being Single and White in Gulu:

A few weeks after arriving in Gulu, you are giving this handy dandy pair of “Gulu Goggles.” They soon weld themselves to your head, and perform the miraculous task of making everyone you encounter more attractive, including yourself. Before you leave for work in the morning, a quick glance in the mirror confirms what you already knew: You Look Fabulous. The one downside of Gulu Goggles is their inability to stay in place once you depart from Gulu… so when you arrive back in the States and look at pictures of yourself, you are appalled that you ever left the house with your hair like that.

The Number 2 Best Thing about Being Single and White in Gulu:

How shocked the Acholi are when they find out you are single. The nice shocked “you ARE?!” as though they can’t imagine a person as beautiful and white as you are being unattached. It’s so nice, being viewed like you must have beaten people off with a stick to remain unmarried. So much better than the pity in the eyes of people in the US when you tell them no, you didn’t have a date for New Years… or Valentine’s Day… or almost every other day this year.

But the Number 1 Best Thing about Being Single and White in Gulu is…

Knowing you could be Married and White in Gulu tomorrow, if only you so desired. :)

Love you all. Have a great weekend!
betsy

Walkin' in Memphis ain't got nothing on Gulu

2008-01-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

Last night after work, I walked home with Jamie. First we had to make a couple of detours…

First stop, Betty’s house. Living right next store to the IC office, she knows most of the IC staff—Muzugu’s and Ugandans alike. With a smile and a wave, she’s the marker for the drawing of every one of my walks to the office. Even though she has had her own set of troubles, she’s still managing to help others, meeting with single mothers from Gulu and helping them get their lives on track.

Next, a quick stop at HEALS, to pick up something for Kope Café, watch some traditional dancing and setting up a time for me to come and do some administrative work. I’d forgotten how much I love that place.

A quick jaunt through town, a stop over at Kope, and we walked home as the sun set on the horizon…

I love this place. So much it’s hard to convey in black and white.

who are the people in your neighborhood?

2008-01-16T23:12:00.000-08:00

One of the [many] things I love about being in Uganda is meeting all the different mzungu's (white people).

We have quite the "international community," and it's been wonderful getting to know people from all around the world. Everyone has these amazing stories of where they've been and inspiring plans for where they're going. Last night there was a goodbye party for Hilda, one of our friends from the Netherlands, who has been in Gulu for the last 6 months preforming research for her thesis. Looking around at the assorted group of long term Gulu-ites, short term vistors and middling interns, I thought about how I would have never imagined meeting such a diverse group of people, all brought together by our love for the people of Uganda.

It's been such a blessing allowing them to speak wisdom, comfort and truth into my life.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This week at the office has been crazy busy [which, oddly enough, I love], but I've gotten a lot accomplished. I'm heading back down to Kampala this weekend to attend the wedding of our HR representative, Jerry, which should be a blast.

I love you all, you're in my thoughts and prayers.
-betsy

safe and [relatively] sound

2008-01-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

So, I have made it to Gulu and am back at the IC office. :) It's been an interesting adventure arriving here, between rescheduled plane take-offs, the loss of luggage, a broken shower door and rocketing gas prices, but I'm here and feeling so blessed.

Due to a personnel loss within the Schools for Schools program, my work load seems to have increased exponentially, so I don't have a lot of time to update all of you, but I wanted to say thanks again for all your prayers and support. I love you all

Here's a little something I wrote yesterday, at Kope Cafe during and after an unexpected rainstorm...

In Gulu, life stops for rain.

A culture transported by feet, bicycles and boda bodas (motorcycles) in a climate that is normally very warm, the people don’t want to be out. A storm in the morning is an accepted excuse for being late to work, you can’t hire a boda to take you anywhere, the streets become deserted—no one wants to travel in the rain.

So they don’t. When the drizzle begins, feet move faster, eyes begin searching for shelter.

And when the downpour starts, they stop. Boda drivers find refuge in store fronts, cyclists in front porches, walkers under school eves.

And as their distaste for cold pushes them further inside, their love for community pushes people together.

Strike what I said earlier… in Gulu, life begins with rain.

As the rain hammers down on the street outside; laughter fills the indoors. Tea is brewed, stories are shared, relationships are started; strangers become friends.

And even I, a girl who was so excited to leave California because I was so tired for rain, am a bit saddened to hear the downpour return to a drizzle, the drizzle fade into silence.

So I start… looking to the sky for a rain cloud and laughter.

For life to begin again.

leaving on a jet plane

2008-01-07T20:22:00.001-08:00

well, I'm off again. :)

please be in prayer for the situation in Kenya, and for the January 31st deadline.

I love you all.
betsy

Peace and Conflict Update

2007-12-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

So, Invisible Children is going to start writing more regular updates on the conflict in northern Uganda, some I thought may be of interest to some of you. So this blog is just copied and pasted straight from their blog, so the links to the articles referenced probably won't work. (invisiblechildren.com/blog if you want to check it out).

hope you learn something!

So we were thumbing through our blog the other day and realized something. Something extremely important. If you’ve been trying to follow the progression of the peace talks on our site at all, you probably have the feeling we’ve been sort of schizophrenic - jumping from thought to thought, person to person. There’s so much going on that it’s completely crazy to try and understand what’s actually happening. It’s like sifting through chaos.But, despite how complex the issues may be, it’s incredibly essential for advocates to stay in the know about how events are unfolding in the North. If we want to continue spreading the word (and don’t we all?!?!), we have to stay educated.

So we’ve developed a solution. A layman’s version of the complex conflict. Once or twice a week, we’ll be posting a Peace and Conflict Update on the blog. They’ll always be numbered so you can look back in case you’ve missed one. Hopefully these will provide a more simple and understandable version of the current events that will be easy to follow.
So, on to it.

PEACE AND CONFLICT UPDATE #1(Events from December 9-20)

The Details on Otti: The whereabouts and status of the LRA’s Second in Command Vincent Otti have been back and forth at best over the past couple of months. Rumors of house arrest, illness, and execution have circled around the media, but hard evidence wasn’t emerging. Now in early December, one of the LRA’s commanders, Sunday Otto, confirms Otti’s execution to have taken place on October 2nd. You can read the full transcript of Otto’s interview here.Agenda

Item #3: Accountability and Reconciliation: After spending a month in Uganda, the LRA negotiating team has announced that they’ve wrapped their consultations on agenda item #3 of the peace process. While this is heartening, the people of the North are encouraging both parties to get back to the negotiating table and bring a final resolution to this war by finalizing the remaining two agenda items.

UN’s Presence at the Peace Process: With the consent of the UN Secretary-General and the UN Security Council, Joaquim Chissano (the Special Envoy for LRA-Affected Regions), will extend his role in the peace process until December 31, 2008. Thus far, Chissano has been integral in the talks. Chissano is now in Kampala meeting with heads of State for Uganda, the DRC, and Rwanda before returning to Juba to continue the peace talks. Read more about Chissano’s role here and here.

January 31st: This is huge news. After meeting with the Democratic Republic of Congo, President Museveni has determined to give the LRA until January 31, 2008 to come to a peace agreement and leave their base in the DRC. If they do not meet this date, the DRC and Uganda have threatened a joint military offensive against LRA Commander Joseph Kony. The LRA has repeatedly asked for an extension until March 15, but it has been denied. Read more about the deadline here.

when words run dry

2007-12-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

I'm home. Which is creating the weirdest swirling of emotions ever.

I'll be more articulate soon, hopefully.

love is the best gift and sometimes the worst curse.

I'll Be Home for Christmas, You Can Count on Me

2007-11-28T21:19:00.001-08:00

So, I'm really excited... I'll be coming home for Christmas! :) My flight comes in the evening of Monday, December 17th, and I fly back to Uganda January 8th. So a little over 3 weeks stateside! I hope I get to see you all while I'm back. I miss all your smiling faces.

The Internship Program Officer, Jamie (aka one of my bosses) was an intern over the summer, and he said his 3 months as an intern were the 3 fastest-slowest months of his life. I can't believe it's been 3 months since the plane touched down in Entebbe Airport, but leaving home feels like forever ago. Sigh. Time is such a funny thing.

I love you all. Hope you are learning to see God more everyday.

Avoid the Christmas Rush

2007-11-20T23:03:00.000-08:00

So... there's a possibility I may come home for Christmas... The IC office is closed for 3 weeks in December/beginning of January, and all the international staff is leaving Gulu during that time. If I end up not coming home, I'd be here alone, which would mean I'd learn a lot of independence, but I'm a little freaked out at the idea of spending 3 weeks of nights alone (the days aren't a problem, it's the nights that get a little hard).

So, while my father scans the internet for cheap tickets (ha, ha), I'm going to offer everyone a solution to avoiding the Christmas shopping rush... Beaded Necklaces from Uganda!!! :) Many different Acholi women make beaded necklaces and sell them to earn their living (quiet a few of mine are from women in Awer IDP camp)... and I'm thinking of selling mine to earn a plane ticket home. I'm thinking of selling them for around $15-20, and each will be accompanied by a kicken' card explaining where they're from and telling a bit about the women who make them... what do ya'll think?

The Season is changing... and so are my plans!

2007-11-19T21:14:00.000-08:00

so, there are really only two seasons here in Gulu: the rainy season, which consists of hot days randomly interrupted by rather heavy rainfall, and the dry season, which consists of hot days and no rain, so the roads quickly turn to dust and everyone walks around with a slight film of dirt covering them completely... we're nearing the end of dry season, and therefore the end of my white skirt wearing days. :)

sorry I haven't updated in so long... I have no excuse. :/ A lot has been happening here in Gulu Town. Last week I went on a Schools for Schools retreat to Jinja... saw the source of the Nile, ate some very yellow french fries and swam at the nicest resort I've ever seen (and then promptly walked back to my dorm that cost 1/15th of the price). Kope Cafe has opened in town (I don't know if I've posted anything about it yet... it's a cafe that is being run my the Intern Program Coordinator, Jamie. It's an income generating project for HEALS, a NGO in Gulu that gives vulnerable children guidance and moral support through music and play therapy). It's our new hangout... like the Central Perk or Max of Gulu (who can name those two shows?), and I've been having a lot of fun hanging out there in the evenings and weekends. I've also started hanging out a HEALS on Sunday, learning traditional Acholi dances and songs, as well as just getting to know the kiddos there. It's amazing, and probably my favorite place to be in all of Uganda.

Another big change that happened is my travel plans home have changed... I'm going to be staying in Gulu until February 20th, which I'm really excited about. I love and miss all of you, but I feel as though I haven't learned everything I'm supposed to here... God has been teaching and molding me a lot, but he's definetely not finished yet! :)

I'll try to be better about updating my blog... For whatever reason, I never know what to write about! I hope you all are having amazing weeks, and that you have a happy Thanksgiving!

love,
Betsy

knowing it's the first of many doesn't make it any easier...

2007-10-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have to say my first goodbye this morning... well, not really the first, other people have come and gone from IC Uganda already, but the first one to someone I consider a friend.

Okidi Richard resigned today, and while I understand he needs to go and take care of his family, I selfishly wish it wasn't so... sigh. It just makes me dread December 15th even more.

I dislike goodbyes greatly, even when I know they will be followed by some amazing hellos.

love and miss you all

a decidedly non apolegtic entry

2007-10-28T01:19:00.000-07:00

we all know I haven't posted in awhile. I really don't have any new or better excuses, so I'm not going to give any. Sorry for not being more communicative. I love you all. :)

I feel like I'm changing here. Which is probably the biggest "no duh" statement of the year. I think if I wasn't changed by this experience, I wouldn't be human. I'm becoming braver, more sure of myself. More questioning of my own motivations, more enthusiastic about the future. I laugh just as regularly, but oddly enough, I cry less. I feel the undercurrent of God's delight in creation more often. I talk less, listen more intently, and think so much that sleep eludes me from 2-3am everynight.

I have less answers and more questions, but I'm more willing to accept uncertainties. I'm depending more on God, more on others... but learning that I can stand strong alone.

This will probably make little sense to anyone but myself... so I'll stop waxing poetic and tell you more about what I've been up to...

We went to Jinja last weekend, where I went White Water Rafting for the first time. It was a lot of fun, but I'm not "hooked for life." I just think it's exceedingly cool to be able to say I've white rafted on the Nile. My favorite part wasn't the rapids, though. At one point, we were able to get out of the raft and swim in the Nile. It was amazing. The current just swept us along, we all agreed it was the closet to flying as we'll ever come. And as the sun started to set, casting the long shadows of the trees across the water, a feeling of peace and calm settled within my entire being, and I felt closer to God than I have in such a long time. It's so nice that we get to delight in Him so fully.

This past week I've really been studying Luo. It's coming along frustratingly slow, but I want to learn so bad. Patricia has been tutoring me... I feel like I'm back in Spanish class. I write paragraphs at night, and she grades them for me the next morning. It's difficult, but I have so much motivation to learn. I want to be able to sing and play with the children on the way home from work, and they all speak Luo. Besides, I'm tired of people having to translate all the wedding proposals I've been getting... I'd rather handle them myself :)

This week I'm taking Patricia to dinner, celebrating Halloween (we're all really excited to try and explain the concept of a jack o'lantern to the Ugandans), and attending a ton of meetings (which I'm not really looking forward to)

I love you all. Hope life is treating you kindly.

The days start to blur together

2007-10-13T00:23:00.001-07:00

One of the strange things about being here for one month, is that now so many things that I’m sure would have thrown me for a loop before I came here, or would seem interesting to all of you back in the States just seems to be part of the daily routine. So, I’m going to work hard on continuing to update, but you’ll have to let me know if it starts to sound tedious or monotonous! (I don’t want to bore you all!)

I’m being a little lazy today… so instead of writing something new, I’m posting something I wrote last weekend, about my trip to Sir Samuel Baker with Okidi Richard.

Turning up the tree lined road to Sir Samuel Baker, I am immediately struck by the many differences from my own high school. The rush of cars driving by, the harsh light of the sun bouncing off the pavement is absent, in its place is a sense of tranquility, as though this land knows it is meant for study and quiet meditation. All around is green, green, green, surrounded by a sky so blue, I feel as though I have found myself in a piece of art. Someone once told me that Uganda is the most beautiful country in Africa, and I am inclined to believe them.

Arriving at the front gate, you can almost feel the history of the school; the leaders that have passed through, the futures of great men that have been shaped here. The buildings themselves shout of their former glory, and it only takes the squinting of my eye and an imagined coat of paint to restore them to what they must have been. Young men in crisp white shirts litter the ground, reading, talking, dreaming.

Speaking to the headmaster, my original characterizations of the school are confirmed. They have suffered much, but overcome. Political coups and changing policies, LRA occupation and military sentries, burning buildings and insufficient funds, the administration and the students preserved. The headmaster recounts the current obstacles facing the school; inadequate teaching staff, dilapidated dorm rooms, classrooms that are crumbling around students. However, the present struggles don’t dissuade the inhabitants of the school. I can sense it in the air; their will, their desire to restore Sir Samuel Baker to all it once was, is palpable. And I, for one, have faith they will…

a quick hello

2007-10-12T04:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to travel to Kitgum, a town/city about 3 hours drive from Gulu. Kristen and I went with Patricia (the mentor I spent the day with a couple weeks ago) and Peter (one of the IC drivers). Because Patricia had to do 4 home visits with students near Kitgum, we ended up spending the night in a hotel and drove back to Gulu this morning... The hotel we stayed in was called "Los Angeles" and I kept laughing at the irony of flying 23 hours around the globe just to end up back home. :)

I'm really working on learning Acholi (Amito ngeyo lebo Acholi- I want to learn much Acholi but Pe angeyo lebo... I don't understand much). I've got flashcards and quiet a few willing teachers. It's a little frustrating at times, wanting to be able to communicate with people in their native tongue, and not being able to. But, I'm going to keep working on it. Hopefully by the time December rolls around I'll be doing better.

I can't believe it's been a month since I left home. Time has been flying by so quickly, I can hardly stand it. I hope you are all having an AMAZING day! I'll try to type up a longer update soon!

love you all!
betsy

Here I go again...

2007-10-05T01:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks so much, all of you who’ve emailed me!  It’s been so amazing this week, being able to learn what’s going on in Alta Loma. Kristen and I were talking this week about how even the daily “to-dos” of the people back home are fun to hear about, so thanks.

This week seemed to fly by. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that… On one side, it’s really good, because it means I’ve adjusted, and the days are going by just a quick as they did back home. On the other hand, I don’t want them to go by too quickly, because I’m really loving all the people here… but it also means I’ll see all of you quicker… sigh. Either way, I can’t really stop the passage of time, so I guess I’ll just live with the pace it sets.

This week Kristen took staff photographs, and I got to be her assistant, which really just consisted of me hanging around while she took pictures. It was a lot of fun, though. I got to learn a few more names of the staff here, and hang out some more with the ones I already knew. Later today the mentors are having a football/soccer game, and I am SO there, I’m uber excited about it!

Something I guess I haven’t talked as much about in this blog are the day to day things in here Gulu, and now is as good as any time to share about it! IC has 3 different houses here in Gulu to house the international staff and all the volunteers that come to work here. Kristen, Jamie and I are currently living at the Intern House, which is the house that everyone else comes to for meals. It’s really neat, being able to start and end the day with all the international staff. We sit around and watch season 3 of The Office (I’m SO happy it came out the week before I left), talk about our days, and generally debrief about life here in Uganda. Its really nice, having this sense of normalcy, talking as quickly as we want, and using all sorts of slang (which can, at times, throw Sarah, who is from England).

I’ve been taking a boda boda to work everyday, which costs 1,000 shillings (around 60 cents), but I am trying to work up the courage to take a bicycle home… I’m a little intimidated, because the boda boda drivers will go so close to them… we’ll see if I can ever work up the gumption! (I’ll keep y’all updated!). We get to the office around 8:30 and I usually leave at 5:30, with an hour for lunch. There are 2 restaurants we frequent most often: Lindon House, where you can get beans, rice, bo (green veggies), chicken, kasava, sweet potatoes… basically all the traditional Ugandan foods. It’s really good and really cheap. Kristen, Jamie and I all had lunch there the other day (we girls had beans, rice and bo, Jamie had beans, chicken and malakwan, and we all had soda), and it came to 9,000 shillings… around 4 US dollars. The other place we go is MAQ (Man About Quality) foods. There you can get veggie pizza (it’s a bit different from pizza back home) or veggie samosas (yum!), and they serve some pretty amazing pastries (the owner spent a year in France!). It’s a little more pricy for Ugandan standards (pizza is 4,000 shillings, around 2 US dollars), but we can usually swing it. :)

At work my days vary. Some days, like yesterday, I’ll spend the whole day traveling and visiting different school sites. Others I attend meetings, do inventory, make copies… normal office work. Today I get to attend a new school, Sir Samuel Baker, with one of our mentors, Okidi, who was a teacher there during the height of rebel activity here in Gulu, it should be really informative.

This weekend, I’m planning on spending some time in the office, getting some work done. Kristen and I may visit St. Jude’s, an orphanage in the region, to hang out with some kiddos. I didn’t end up going to Awer last weekend, I wasn’t feeling to great Sunday morning, but we may end up visiting this Sunday, too… we’ll see!

You’re all in my thoughts and prayers.
Betsy

It's Been Awhile...

2007-09-29T00:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted an update. I haven’t been to the internet café all week, and they discourage us from using websites other that our emails during work hours. But it’s Saturday, and I’m at the office getting some work done, so it’s okay for me to post this now! :)

It’s so weird thinking I’ve been here two weeks. In some ways it feels like it’s flown by, the days seem to blur together in a Technicolor mix of new experiences, new faces, new places… but in other ways it seems like much longer than two weeks. It’s hard for me to believe that it was only two weeks ago today that I was getting on a little propeller plane in San Diego on my way to Gulu. Time is such a funny thing, I don’t think I’ll ever quiet understand it.

One of my absolutely favorite days so far was this past Thursday. Kristen and I had the opportunity to do a “Mentor Follow,” where we spent the day with a VCSP Mentor as they visited the homes and schools of the students within our scholarship program. I spent the day with Patricia, as she did a few home visits. For those of you who are unfamiliar with IC’s programming, each of the 519 students that have their school fees covered by IC are given a mentor. The mentor meets with the student at least once a month, and meets with their parent/guardian once a month as well. He/she encourages the student to pursue excellence within his/her studies, as well as helps them in any other way the mentor is able…

It was neat getting to meet the parent’s of the students, but it was really great spending the day with Patricia. I got to learn about her family, her friends, her studies… I feel like I’ve made my first new friend here in Uganda. We walked everywhere, so we had a lot of time to talk. I loved it. :)

Thursday night, after the mentor follow, some of the Ugandan IC staff came over for dinner, and to talk about their experiences during the war. (So a few years from now, I remember… a guest list: Geoffrey (the lead mentor), Benna (Bracelet Maker Coordinator), Peter Paul (S4S Procurement Officer), Peter (IC Driver), Jolie (Country Director) and Patricia)

It’s crazy what the human spirit can with stand. The experiences people can live through and still come out smiling and happy, with hope for their futures. Walking home the other day, I was telling Jamie how sometimes people will share stories with me that seem to be movie plots… that it’s hard for me to comprehend someone purposefully harming another human being in that way. But they do; it happens… and all I can do (well, not all, since it’s rather big), is hit my knees and pray for the ones left behind…

(An Abrupt Subject Change)

Things I love about Uganda (so far… and this is not a complete list)

I love walking at dust. There are so many beautiful places here in Gulu, and as the sunsets they seem to shimmer. I love the tea Annette makes each morning. I love that I drink tea every morning. I love listening to Doreen’s country music in the morning; the strange idea that country music, which seems to epitomize America to me, can be found pumping through the speakers at so many bars in town.
I love the kids that giggle at my attempts at Luo. The free air conditioning afforded by a boda boda. The girls at the office who admire all my jewelry and look at me in shock when I tell them I can’t cook. I love the hospitality of warm cokes in the afternoon and meat samosas when you truly can’t eat another bite. The sound of the choir across the street waking me up Sunday mornings.

The list goes on. I love it here. :) Today we’re going to a graduation party for an IC employee. Patricia is the MC, and she’s told me she is going to teach me how to dance. Tomorrow we’re heading over to Awer (pronounced “away”) IDP camp in the morning. Then we’re heading over to Lacor Seminary to show them the IC movie (for those of you who have seen the rough cut, that’s the seminary that suffered the LRA attack and is highlighted with the film… they’ve never seen it). That evening we’re going to Boma, a restaurant in town, to celebrate Valerie’s last night with us (she was the former intern coordinator/house manager). It’ll be a busy couple of days.

Hope you’re all having fabulous weeks. I love and miss you all. And if you ever have time, email me at bcurtis2006@gmail.com. It’s really nice to hear everything that’s going on back home, I feel a bit disconnected at times.

you're in my thoughts and prayers.
betsy

A quick stop at the blog

2007-09-21T00:06:00.000-07:00

Its amazing to me that we only left san diego on week ago tomorrow... we have already learned so much and experienced so many different things. I know, however, that there is a LOT more to learn (My very, very tenuous grasp on the Lao language leaves much to be desired and can be a bit frustrating at times)

yesterday Kristin and I took a 2 hour car ride to visit the Awere Secondary School site... Aware is a displaced school that has been renting land in Gulu town since 1996, and they are hoping to move back to Adek, their original town, next year. Construction in Uganda is so different... no hard hats or electric tools, just brick layers, saws and tons of sweat. However, it is astounding how quickly the buildings go up! It may be attributed to the lack of insulation and electric wiring that must occur, but building a classroom block with 3 rooms will only take around 2.5 months! crazy! Even running "behind schedule" we were still impressed by the swiftness of which the Schools for Schools projects are being completed!

We have also experienced what I like to call "the allure of the muzungu." Being white here has made us targets for marriage proposals more times than I find truly comfortable, and it has only been 4 days... I think we shall have to start a tally and see how many hearts we "break" within the next few months. ;)

Today we are visting another school, St. Mary's School in Lacor (pronounced Lachor, if you were curious... in lao all c's are pronounced like chs's). We're taking pictures and writing bios for 10 different students to feature on the S4S website, as well as doing a write up on the progress of the construction there... it should be really fun, I'm looking forward to my first interaction with Ugandan youth.

thank you all for your comments and prayers. I miss all of you, and i love to hear how you're doing!

Uganda thoughts and Acholi Dreams

2007-09-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

sitting in an internet cafe in Uganda reminds me so much of my time in ghana that my heart smiles as thoughts of jaden, ama, the kids at FCBC, and all the wonderful people on our team fly through my head.

It's so hard to capture in words all that I am thinking and feeling and experiencing. Is it odd that a place you've never been can feel like home, even admist lack of power, boda boda adventures and a language that contains sounds my mouth just can't seem to produce correctly?

Uganda is beautiful. It's like every photograph you've ever seen of sweeping landscapes, mud huts and children with smiles so wide they split their face in two. The people of Invisible children. Muzungu (white people) and Acholi alike have been so welcoming... from laughing and then gently correcting me when I say "Irri Maber" *(Good afternoon/evening) at 8:00 in the morning, to being patient when we don't quiet know which way to go, to cooking the most wonderful meals (Doreen is amazing... she and Loretta would get along well!) They've made our first 2 days here fabulous.

Seriously, though, I can't believe I've only been in Gulu for 2 days... we've done so much already... Taken a tour of the town, visited the home of our new friend Teresa, Kristin milked a cow, we've worked in the office, visited a displaced school, had the opportunity to taste many of the different local foods... and that's just the beginning!

Our first assignment as interns is a "duo project" for Kristin and I. She is going to be taking pictures of all the different Schools for Schools sites, and I will do write ups of the progress that is going on. Tomorrow, we're going to travel to Awere Secondary school (about 2 hours away). I'm really excited. This weekend we're planning on visiting an IDP camp, which should be a good learning experience.

I love you all. thank you so much for all your prayers and encouragement, I really appreciate them. :)

The Little Boda Boda that could

2007-09-17T02:12:00.001-07:00

this is just a quick note to let you know i've arrived safe and sound in Uganda. Getting in and out of the airport was an experience that I'll definately have to tell you about. We stayed in Kampala last night, in a youth hostel. Lying under the mosquito nets in the pitch black dark (the power went out suddenly as Kristin and I went into the bathroom to brush our teeth. I'm going to need to remember to bring my headlamp with me everything) was a surreal experience... i'm so glad I'm here.

We're currently at "Garden City" the closest thing to a mall in Uganda... we got to ride bota botas (motorcycle taxis) to get here... it was fun weaving in and out of traffic, not nearly as scary as I assumed it would be. Kristin and I were smashed together on a seat built for one... when we were going up some of the steeper hills, I kept chanting "I think we can, I think we can" under my breath... lending some support for the motorcycle. :) We got some supplies this morning for Kope, a coffee shop IC is trying to have up and running in Gulu come November. One of the priorities of the Gulu staff is providing as many employment producing/money making opportunities for the people of Uganda as possible, so this is one of their newest ventures. After were done at the cafe (I have like 10 minutes left... ) we're going to go pick up malaria pills, meet up with Jolie, go buy coffee mugs for Kope and then head up north to Gulu town... about 5-6 hours away. This afternoon/evening Jolie's father is going to give us culture instructions, which we're all really excited about (Jamie, the intern coordinator, wants to sit in on them too. :) )

you're all in my thoughts and prayers. hope your Mondays (it's already 12:02pm here) go FANTASTICALLY! :)

love,
Betsy

it's happening. it's here. and I still can't believe it.

2007-09-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm ready, I suppose. Or as ready as I'm going to be with a plane ticket for 8:00am tomorrow morning, a passport and a rather worn copy of Irresistible Revolution.

I'll admit that right now my emotions are in turmoil. I'm a crazy mixture of excitednervousscaredhappysleepy. My brain can't slow down enough for me to capture an entire thought--just fragments of dreams, wishes and hopes.

I love you all. And I'm still in awe of the fact that I have this amazing opportunity to love on people halfway around the globe. I'm astounded by the fact that my little admin skills can be used to help students gain an education, that my meager knowledge of photoshop will be useful in helping generate PR to help end a war. It's crazy to me, how God can use every little bit of us... even the parts we aren't so sure about.

keep me in your prayers. for courage to go where God calls me, and humbleness to follow where he leads. for sensitivity to the needs of others and strength to help them well. for endurance, for patience, for boldness... for moments of peace and quiet to just listen to the whisper of God's love in the wind. I know I'll need it all. And know that I'll be praying this all for you (+ even more)

I feel so blessed to know you all and to live this life God has given me.
-betsy

settlin' in

2007-09-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

So Kristin and I went into the office for the first time today (we went in yesterday, but the person who is to train us, Katie, just got back from Uganda on Sunday, so she wasn't in. We ended up going to Barnes and Noble, and to the movies. It was a tough day ;)). We started off by watching a few of the IC videos (Innocent, Emmy, Grace and Sunday, for those of you who were curious)and then went to lunch with Katie and Sarah, who was the GO photography intern this past summer. It was great, getting to talk with them about their experiences. We were able to ask all the important questions like, "How bad is the food" (they had some positives to say about it, which was nice) and "how many people will be living in the house with us?" (while living with 30 people has been a way more positive experience than I ever thought it could be, I do miss having a bed and the option to take a shower without someone walking through... apparently since we're going in the fall, the house is way quieter than during the summer)

After lunch, I had the opportunity to learn how to work their phone system (I kept having to stop myself from answering "Flipside Office"... that may have confused a few people) and write thank you cards to people who have sent money to IC (one was to a group of kids who raised money to build a well by recycling water bottles. It's so great to see kiddos affecting the world in such a positive way so early in life. It inspires so much hope for the future).

Tonight was a goodbye dinner for the roadies. They begin their "staggered exodus" Thursday and the last group leaves Sunday. So we got to watch some new media (a video their showing after their screening of the Emmy movie, a video from the first roadie trip, and one from the most recent national tour), and then hear from Bobby and Laren (2 of the original founders of IC). It was a trip meeting Bobby, I'm not gonna lie. I don't get "star struck" really easily, but I was just a bit when I met him. (I got over it pretty quick. but during those first few initial moments it took me a few extra seconds to formulate correct responses to simple questions).

I've loved my experience so much thus far. I realize these brief summaries don't even begin to capture how amazing it's been. Everyone I've met has been so kind and caring. We (kristin and I) were talking with one of the roadies tonight, Will, who has been volunteering with IC a long time now, and he put it so well. (I think he was quoting Laren, though). Normally when you meet someone, you get to know little bits about them, and it's like getting to know their toes and fingers, their elbows. But here, you get to know their heart so quickly, because it beats to the same rhythm as yours.

To be surrounded by so many beautiful hearts has been the biggest blessing. Thank you so much for all your prayers and support that have enabled me to be here now. I don't even know how to repay you all.

"Welcome to the Shire"

2007-09-02T20:47:00.001-07:00

So, I'm sitting in the living room of the intern/roadie house here in San Diego. There's 30 people... which equals 30 names... which equals me wishing that everyone in the world wore a nametag 24/7... or at least the hours they were awake (although, name tags would be helpful when it comes to waking people up).

It's already been a little crazy. Apparently, no one at the house was even aware of the fact that we were coming, so I didn't know where I was coming until around 1:00pm, and the other intern, Kristin, was left waiting at the airport (I got a phone call from her a little after 7... we were both thankful that I had given her my number earlier in the week.) I'm not exactly sure where will be sleeping, yet. I think there is an open spot on a couch, if not, I'm sure I can grab some floor.

I'm not gonna write too much... I feel a bit anti-social... but I'll "talk" to y'all soon!

Testing, Testing... 1, 2, 3, testing

2007-08-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

well... if you've arrived at this blog, hopefully it was on purpose, and hopefully you are already aware of why it was created (and, hopefully, you aren't too adverse to my over-usage of the word "hopefully" :))

I'm leaving the country (again), this time for 90 days to volunteer with Invisible Children in Gulu, Uganda! Keep checking back for updates! (although, they may not be every day like they were on the teamghana.blogspot.com blog... sorry!)

Quick details:
I go to San Diego September 2nd, beginning working in the Invisible Children offices on September 3rd and leave for Uganda on the 15th! I'll be back Stateside December 15th, if all goes according to plan!